So I have this co-worker who totally doesn’t understand the concept that not everyone wakes up at 5:00 in the morning. In fact unlike her, I live 15 minutes from work, not an hour or more depending on traffic. She admittedly loves squeezing an extra few minutes of sleep out of morning and will give up a shower quicker than cat just to keep her little peepers closed until the last possible moment. Now I don’t know if everyone else in her life wakes up with sun (we are in the old west afterall), but I do know I have told her several times that I sleep until a much later hour than her. I generally parade around with a crown and septer as if I’m the Queen of Sleeping Late just to rub it in and force her to give me the old stink eye of jealousy.
Well last week she had an insufferable toothache. She couldn’t sleep all night and ended missing work the following day. She usually gets into work around 7:00 am and was afraid she had a million responsibilities that would get neglected by missing the one day. Due to her middle child syndrome she thought the world was going to fall apart without her. If you ask her she will sheepishly tell you how she is the glue that holds the department together. Modesty has always been her strong point (cue eyeroll). Again , I tease. The girl knows her stuff and I’d say if something caught on fire while she was out we’d be stuck stomping back the flames until her triumphant return. Such an event is rare, so why she texted me at 6:30 inthe morning to let me know she wouldn’t be that day will always evade me. I kind of get it I guess. She was just trying to be responsible, but I can be left out that loop when it’s 6:30. 7:30 may even be pushing it, but since she’s always helped me in a jam I figured the least I could do was wake -up and check her work schedule as she asked.
The next day when she returned to work I joked about how if she ever texted me early again I’d choke her. I tried to give her my serious face. She laughed it off. The “I’ll-stay-dirty-for-all-of-the-world-to-see-if-it-means-I-get-one-more-precious-minute-of-sleep” should fully empathize with my need to sleep as long as humanly possible. Well this morning she texted a little after 7:00 to tell me how she was half way to work and realized she had her sister’s keys in her car. Hilarious, right? Problem number one, for the love of all that is holy in Jerusalem, why did she text me again knowing I would still be asleep at that time? Problem two, I already know she does crap like that all of the time. She could prevent a melt down at a nuclear powerplant her first day on the job, but you stick the girl in a forrest with a map and a compass and she would be missing forever. And by forrest I mean the parking lot.
In summation, I hope God is answering prayers today and I never hear from her between the hour of 1:00-8:00 am again. Ever. Even if she loses an arm.
